Internet Safety Guide For Parents:

Cyberbullying

 

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Cyberbullying

 

What is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is negative on-line communication between kids, preteens and teenagers, but not adults. If adults become involved in this kind of behavior, it is called “adult cyber-harassment.” The negative remarks, put-downs, or other statements are meant to make someone feel bad. These are usually a lie but can also refer to something real that the victim shared with someone. Cyberbullying can be one abusive remark, but in most cases it is frequent messages over time that are meant to torment the victim. The victim can be cyberbullied by one person or many people, or the cyberbully can get others, even adults, to do their dirty work for them. The people that end up sending nasty messages may not even know that they are being used by the cyberbully. A cyberbully can be someone who used to be your teen’s friend, or someone your teen doesn’t know very well. Research shows that when someone is cyberbullied, the victim often cyberbullies back. The results are never positive.

 

How is Cyberbullying different from bullying?

Bullying is when one person harasses another face-to-face. Bullies can exist at school, in your neighborhood or other places, but your teen usually knows who they are because they make fun of people or tease them in person.
 
Cyberbullying is done using computers or hand-held devices such as cell phones. You may not be able to figure out who the cyberbully is because their identity is often hidden behind technology. Cyberbullying is not only cruel to those who are victims; it is a serious danger since hurtful material can reach many more people via the Internet than in person. It can ruin friendships and cause a lot of damage to a teen’s self-esteem. There have even been a few cases in the news where teens have committed suicide because they were the targets of repeated cyberbullying.

 

Are there different kinds of cyberbullying?

Yes. Direct attacks are made directly by the cyberbully such as sending a mean text message to someone’s cell phone, insulting them in a blog (online journal), emailing them pornography, sending them computer viruses, or stealing their password to make unwanted changes to their computer account.

 

Indirect attacks or “Cyberbullying by proxy” is when the cyberbully has someone else do the damage. An example is when a cyberbully steals a person’s password, then sends cruel messages to all the friends on the person’s buddy list. Sometimes cyberbullies may even get the parent of a victim to respond and then the parent becomes unintentionally involved in the on-line bullying. Another example of cyberbullying by proxy is when a teen makes a false complaint to an ISP (Internet Service Provider). This is typically done through IM accounts or in chat rooms. The victim’s ISP will usually send the victim a warning but if the cyberbully-created complaints continue, even if they are false, the ISP may close the victim’s account.

 

What makes a teen become a cyberbully?

Some teens who get involved in cyberbullying don’t realize the impact or consequence of what they say on-line or in a text message. They may feel that saying something on-line or via a text message is not as bad as if they said it in person. It may even start out as a joke. Others use cyberbullying because they don’t have the courage to say something face-to-face. Anyway you look at it cyberbullying is wrong because the remarks are usually untrue, very hurtful, and can be damaging to the victim.

 

What should I do if my teen is a victim of cyberbullying?

Although the first emotion you and your teen may feel is anger, and perhaps the desire to get even, discourage your teen from responding. If your teen responds, she will regret it later. Remember, if she reacts on the same level, she is considered a cyberbully too. Instead, suggest that your teen save the messages in a folder and get off the site, chat room, or IM (wherever the remark was made) right away. Your teen should tell a parent or other trusted adult what happened, and can also seek support from a close, trusted friend.

 

What are some ways to deal with cyberbullying attacks?

• Use an email filter and arrange for all the messages from the cyberbully to go into a special folder
• Tell your teen to block people from their instant messenger buddy list and in chat rooms by clicking the “Block Buddy” button.
• Buy special software for your computer that can track annoying emails from people. Then, set up the program to alert the cyberbully’s ISP that they are sending these kinds of email.

What if the cyberbully threatened my teen?

In extreme cases (when serious threats have been made) it may be necessary for you and your teen to report the situation to your ISP (Internet Service Provider) and to the police. In this case, your teen should be prepared to answer the following questions:

1. What kind of threat was it? (direct or indirect)
2. What was said exactly? (print the text if possible)
3. What type of technology was used to make the threat? (IM, chat room, cell phone, other hand-held device—one or many methods)
4. How often has the threat occurred? (once, many times, more than once a day)
5. Do you know who is responsible for the threats? (you know exactly who it is, you think you know who is doing it, or you have no idea)
   

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Written by the CYWH Staff at Children's Hospital Boston

 

Updated: 10/03/2008

 

This health guide is made possible by a grant from the The Comcast Foundation.