Home > Health Guides by Topic > Emotional Health > General Emotional Health > Self-Esteem & Facial DifferencesBuilding a Healthy Body Image and Good Self-Esteem:
A Guide for Teens with Facial Differences
If you are a teen with a scar, birthmark, or uniquely shaped face, you probably know how hard it can be to look different from everyone else. You might be reminded of that difference every time you look in the mirror or see someone staring in your direction. Major differences in appearance due to burns, birth defects or other diseases and disorders can contribute to a poor body image and low self-esteem. The effects of body image on self-esteem can be especially powerful during the teenage years. Although it's perfectly normal to have negative thoughts and feelings towards your facial difference, finding ways to be positive is the key to building a healthy body image and good self-esteem.
What is body image?
Body image is based on your thoughts and feelings about the way your body looks. Sometimes the way you think other people are judging your appearance can influence your body image. Poor body image comes from negative thoughts and feelings about your appearance, and a healthy body image is made up of thoughts and feelings that are positive. Body image is a major factor in self-esteem; which is the way you think and feel about yourself as a person.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem relates to how much you like yourself, and how you recognize or appreciate your individual character, qualities, skills, and accomplishments. As with body image, self-esteem can also be based on how you think other people look at you as a person. People who have low self-esteem may not feel confident about themselves or how they look. It is often hard for them to see that they are an important and capable person. People with good self-esteem has a positive and confident attitude about their body and mind, and can recognize their strengths as well as personal value and worth.
Why is good self-esteem important?
Good self-esteem is important for everyone because it helps you keep a positive outlook on life and makes you feel proud of the person you are, both inside and out. Most teens with good self-esteem find life much more enjoyable. They tend to have better relationships with peers and adults, find it easier to deal with mistakes or disappointments, and are more likely to stick with a task until they succeed. Good self-esteem gives you the:
Treating yourself with respect and realizing that every part of you is worth caring for and protecting will help you keep a healthy attitude towards yourself. Building good self-esteem can take a long time and is not always easy, but knowing that you can improve your self-esteem is the first step. |
How is my self-esteem affected by my facial difference?
It's common for teens to look at other people and compare their own appearances. For example, you might compare your facial features: nose, lips, eyes, or hair. A normal part of having a facial difference is feeling like you are not as attractive as other people. Feeling unattractive or different can keep you from meeting new people and trying new things that you may otherwise enjoy. If you start to feel bad about your facial difference, you may begin to feel bad about other parts of yourself as well.
How do other people's reactions to my facial difference affect my self-esteem?
Just like many other teens with facial differences, you may also have trouble dealing with people who stare, question, or make comments about your appearance. Anyone (with or without a facial difference) often feels uncomfortable if they are being stared at. These situations can make it difficult to meet new people, make friends, try out for sports teams, join clubs, and even apply for a job. It is hard to have pride and confidence if you feel like most social interactions leave you feeling bad about yourself. It is important to understand that you have the power to answer questions or respond to comments with confidence, and not let another person's words or stares lower your self-esteem.
Should I take it personally when other people stare or ask questions about my facial difference?
It's easy to think that when other people are staring at you they are negatively judging your appearance, but most of the time people are not judging you as a person but rather they are simply being curious. Others may ask questions not to be rude, but out of care and concern. Someone who sees you for the first time knows only one thing about you: what you look like. Your personality is not based on looks, so you shouldn't take a stranger's questions or stares personally since they don't know anything else about you. When someone stares or asks questions, see it as a chance to increase their awareness about your facial difference. Most people have little knowledge about facial differences and haven't met anyone who has them. You can clear up any misunderstandings they may have about you so they don't assume anything that isn't true.
What are some positive or helpful ways to respond when people stare, comment, or ask questions?
It can be very frustrating when other people comment or stare, but if you know what to say and feel confident about yourself, the curiosity of others won't feel so uncomfortable. You can try something called P.Y.A, which stands for "Prepare Your Answer." First, think about some of the possible questions you might be asked. Next, write a few short answers about what your facial difference is and maybe why you have it. You might realize that you don't know a lot about your condition, so look through some books, check out reliable websites, and talk with your health care provider to learn as much as you can!
Some tips to remember when thinking about what to say:
Here are some sample situations and possible ways to respond.
| Situation #1 | You've been in a burn accident that left scars covering most of your face. When you try out for a sports team at school, the coach wonders if you will be able to participate without limitations. |
| Your Response | "The scars on my face don't affect my ability to play sports. I'm still a strong and competitive athlete." |
| Situation #2 | You're at a friend's house and her younger sister who is about four or five years old notices that you have a red patch of skin on your face (your strawberry birthmark) and asks: "What's wrong with your face?" |
| Your Response | Smile and gently explain, "My face looks different because I was born with something that makes my skin this color. Sometimes things can change how your skin looks, just like when you bump your arm and get a bruise which makes your skin look blue or purple." |
| Situation #3 | You have a syndrome that caused the shape of your face to develop differently. While you are on the bus, a teen sitting across from you begins to stare. |
| Your Response | Make eye contact, smile, and simply say "Hi!" You could also say something friendly such as "I like your hat." |
Remember that there is so much more to you than just physical appearance! Respond and interact with people in a way that lets them see your inner qualities too. Find ways to let your skills or talents shine. Show that you have hobbies, interests, likes and dislikes just as everyone else. |
What if someone asks about my facial difference but I just don't feel like talking about it?
That's ok! You are in control of the conversation and have the right to say that you would rather not answer their question. It can be especially uncomfortable when someone questions you in a public place or in the presence of other curious people where it suddenly feels like you have an audience. Changing the subject of the conversation might help the other person know that you don't feel like talking. If people are staring, it's OK to look in another direction or walk away.
Is there anything I can do if I feel frustrated?
Yes! If you feel frustrated or too annoyed or upset to talk, try going for a walk or a run, listen to music, or do a favorite activity with someone you enjoy being with. Sometimes expressing how you feel can actually be more helpful than keeping feelings to yourself. Talk with a close friend or relative who you trust and who can offer encouragement and support. It can also be comforting to talk with other teens that may be going through similar experiences.
If you are feeling very sad and discouraged most of the time, and can't seem to find ways to feel better about yourself, it is important to contact your health care provider or counselor. They can help you to find ways to cope. |
What can I do to build self-confidence in the way I look?
Since your facial difference is only one aspect of your appearance, try and concentrate on feeling good about your whole body. There are many ways to help boost self-confidence such as finding a flattering outfit to wear, getting a new hairstyle, or simply eating nutritious foods and exercising. One of the best ways to feel good about your body is to know that you have a healthy one! You may not have control over your facial difference, but you do have the power to keep a positive attitude towards yourself.
What are some ways to keep a positive attitude?
A positive attitude can come by defining an identity for yourself that is not based on looks or negative things other people may say. You can develop good self-esteem and keep a positive attitude by:
Building a healthy body image and good self-esteem can be hard work because it takes time to become confident with your appearance. As you work to improve your body image, you will experience self-acceptance and learn to recognize the qualities, skills, and talents that make you special. |
Resources
Books for Teens
The Broken Mirror by (1998)
This book is about body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) that provides emotional support, help and advice to sufferers.
Empowering Teens to Build Self-Esteem by (1996)
This book covers the basics of self-esteem building such as: how to recognize low self-esteem, why people have self-esteem problems, what constitutes having good self-esteem, and the principles we need to learn in order to have good self-esteem.
Stick Up for Yourself: Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self- Esteem by (1999)
This is a self-help guide to positive thinking, high self-esteem, and responsible personal power.
Teen Esteem: A Self-Direction Manual for Young Adults by (2000)
This is a manual that helps teens develop the skills needed to handle a variety of issues and challenges that they face as young adults.
Web Sites for Teens
Foundation for Faces of Children
http://www.facesofchildren.org/index.html
This website provides information and resources for individuals born with craniofacial conditions.
Changing Faces
http://www.changingfaces.co.uk/foryoung.html
Information/resources on this website are specifically geared towards teens with facial differences.
Let's Face It
This website offers Information about various conditions that cause facial differences as well as many related issues.
Books for Parents
Children with Facial Difference: A Parent's Guide by (1996)
This guide helps parents understand and cope with the challenges (emotional, medical, educational, etc.) presented by their child's condition.
Web Sites for Parents
Foundation for Faces of Children
http://www.facesofchildren.org/index.html
This website is an excellent educational resource for individuals born with craniofacial conditions and their families.
MUMS
The main purpose of this website is to provide support to parents in the form of a networking system that matches them with other parents whose children have the same or similar condition.
Changing Faces
http://www.changingfaces.co.uk/default.html
This website offers extensive information on issues related to facial differences.
Let's Face It
This website provides teens, parents and educators resources for various conditions that cause facial differences as well as many related issues.
Updated 2/15/2005
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