Talking to Your Tween about Sexuality:
How to Talk to Your Tween

Intro

What Your Tween Needs to Know about Sexuality

How to Talk to Your Tween about Sexuality

Helpful Resources

Talking to tweens about sexuality begins with a foundation of good communication. Your preteen will feel more comfortable asking you questions about sexuality if they have been able to ask you other difficult questions while growing up. Make yourself an "askable" parent (someone who is easy to talk to) and they will learn to trust that they can approach you about topics such as sexuality later on.

Before talking with your tween, you can prepare by:

• Learning and using the proper names for body parts and functions.
• Getting facts from reliable sources of information.
• Thinking through your own feelings and values about love and sex (and then sharing them with your tween in your conversations)
• Finding out what your child already knows (or thinks she knows).

Tips on how to talk to your tween about sexuality:

• Make the discussion about sexuality an ongoing conversation. Use everyday events to talk and take advantage of teachable moments.
• Use a friend's pregnancy, a news article, or a TV show to start a conversation.
• Be approachable. Reassure your child that she can talk to you about anything.
• Listen more than you speak. Talk with, not at, your child.
• Don't worry about seeming out of touch or being embarrassed.

Tips on how to answer questions:

• Don't make a big deal of your child's questions. Let sexuality be a normal topic of conversation.
• Understand the question before answering. Repeat the question and then ask your child if that's what she meant.
• Answer simply and directly. Give short, honest, factual answers. If possible, answer questions when they are asked, even if you need to do it quietly in a public place. If this isn't possible, say something such as, "I'm glad you asked, let's talk about it on the way home".
• It's OK to miss some of the answers. Simply say you don't know the answer, and then suggest that you find out together, or do the homework yourself and get back to your child.
• It's OK to refuse to answer personal questions. You can tell your child that things that happen between you and your partner are private.

If your child feels more comfortable talking to someone else, work together to think of other trusted adults she can talk with.

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Written and reviewed by the CYWH Staff at Children's Hospital Boston

Updated: 6/23/2011